Friday, February 29, 2008
Rude Bird
A lady was walking down the street to work and she saw a parrot on a perch in front of a pet store. The parrot said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." Well, the lady is furious! She stormed past the store to her work. On the way home she saw the same parrot and it said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly."
She was incredibly upset now. The next day the same parrot again said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly."
The lady was so upset that she went into the store and said that she would sue the store and kill the bird. The store manager replied, "That's not good," and promised he wouldn't say it again.
When the lady walked past the store that day after work the parrot called to her, "Hey lady."
She paused and said, "Yes?"
The bird said, "You know."
Drunk Man
Colin came home from the pub late one Friday evening stinking drunk, as he often did, and crept into bed beside his wife who was already asleep.
He gave her a peck on the cheek and fell asleep. When he awoke he found a strange man standing at the end of his bed wearing a long flowing white robe.
"Who the hell are you?" Demanded Colin, "and what are you doing in my bedroom?".
The mysterious Man answered, "This isn't your bedroom and I'm St Peter".
Colin was stunned "You mean I'm dead!!! That can't be, I have so much to live for, I haven't said goodbye to my family....you' ve got to send me back straight away".
St Peter replied "Yes, you can be reincarnated but there is a catch. We can only send you back as a dog or a hen."
Colin was devastated, but knowing there was a farm not far from his house, he asked to be sent back as a hen. A flash of light later he was covered in feathers and clucking around pecking the ground.
"This ain't so bad" he thought until he felt this strange feeling welling up inside him.
The farmyard rooster strolled over and said, "So you're the new hen, How are you enjoying your first day here?"
"It's not so bad" replies Colin, "but I have this strange feeling Inside like I'm about to explode".
"You're ovulating" explained the rooster, "don't tell me you've never laid an egg before".
"Never" replies Colin "Well just relax and let it happen"
And so he did and after a few uncomfortable seconds later, an egg pops out from under his tail. An immense feeling of relief swept over him and his emotions got the better of him as he experienced motherhood for the first time. When he laid his second egg, the feeling of happiness was overwhelming and he knew that being reincarnated as a hen was the best thing that ever happened to him...ever!! !
The joy kept coming and as he was just about to lay his third egg he felt an enormous smack on the back of his head and heard his wife shouting -
"Colin, wake up you drunken idiot, you're sh*tting in the bed"
Six times on Facebook… in an hour
It started out as a fun hobby to relieve office stress. Soon it took over your life itself. From checking email once a day, it has become six times an hour. Sounds familiar? Join the tech junkie club. Here are signs of a cyber addict.
Email
Once upon a time you checked your email once a day. Now you do it multiple times… an hour. Here is a good benchmark. If you check your email three times an hour, you are officially lonely. If you check it out six times an hour, you're officially a cyber addict. After a point, the obsessive-compulsive behaviour can even make you a bit depressed because you end up looking at a blank inbox half the time. But if you open it at normal intervals, this won't be the case.
Not Only Friends are Networked to You
Facebook, Orkut, and various other social network sites have made you Mr or Ms Popular. But how many of these 'friends' on your account are really people who care about you, or vice-versa? Count on the fingers of your palm and chances are you won't reach the second finger. A sure-shot sign of a cyber addict or a tech junkie is someone who has 200 plus friends on their Facebook account. That's not even a tech junkie come to think of it. That's a PR agent, for heaven's sake!
Your language itself is changing
Another sign of a tech junkie is when your language itself starts changing. Lol is lots of laughter, brb is be right back but 'x' standing for kiss is truly an example of how tech lingo is making us a demented lot. Then again, there is sms lingo that can get the better of your language skills. It might mean you're keeping up with the times, but in reality, it could be making you more emotionally disconnected than ever.
You don't meet people, unless they are strangers…
Another good sign of cyber addiction is when you start feeling less and less inhibited meeting strangers through these networks, and find even less time for your real friends.
Remember that some amount of social networking through these sites is exciting, but if you begin to search obsessively for stranger's details, hobbies, likes and dislikes, you're lost in cyberspace, and the only way is down!
Inter-passivity
A great phenomenon of our times is inter-passivity. Are you voraciously downloading more games, songs, video clips, etc., than you will ever consume in one lifetime, leave alone a year?
Welcome to the world of inter-passivity. With the internet comes a wide range of options, but if all you're doing is downloading without even having the time to enjoy it, then you're engaging in inter-passivity.
Re-assurance
A lot of cyber-obsessive behaviour could be about wanting emotional re-assurance say experts. We like to feel loved, wanted, cherished.
Those myriad virtual gifts and virtual cards, and the free cocktails, and what have you have been created to make you feel special. Do engage in it, but remember that it's always better to flirt with cyber-emotionality rather than to get sucked in by it.
That's for the Japanese, who have truly mastered the art of making love to the machine!
'She finds solace in cyber anonymity'
Most people who are unnaturally hooked on to the internet suffer from personality disorders. Take the case of this 27-year-old girl whom I have been counselling, for example. She flits from chat room to chat room for 12-15 hours everyday and shuns physical contact. She treats the cyber world as an escape route, where she feels safe from rejection and ridicule, the fear of which keeps her from developing inter-personal relationships in the real world.
At present she is undergoing counselling for building self worth and improving her social skills, which took a nose dive after she faced a series of rejections in her life, which pulled her into a vicious loop of diffidence and self loathing. She instead finds solace in the anonymity of the cyber world, where she doesn't need to bother about what other people think of her.
She has had a long history of maladjustment where she could never get along with her peer group or colleagues.
She was lonely when she migrated to Mumbai about a decade ago. In time she failed to form meaningful friendships in the city and picked up the habit of nitpicking and fault finding, which carried on to her professional life as well. She would complain about her work and colleagues, especially her boss and couldn't seem to stick to one job for long. The result today being, she developed an adverse reputation in the job market and has failed to find employment for quite some time now.
Several other disappointments in life have eroded her self esteem and trust in other people. She hardly ever socialises, except in the cyber world. She uses this medium as a crutch to tide over her inadequacies.
Joke Time
Pyarelals Interview
Pyarelal goes for a job interview in an office.
The interviewer starts with the basics. "So, Mr, can you tell us your age, please?"
Pyarelal counts carefully on his fingers for half a minute before replying. "Um ... 22."
The interviewer tries another straight forward one to break the ice. "And can you tell us your height, please?"
Pyarelal stands up and produces a measuring tape from his handbag.. he then traps one end under his foot and extends the tape to the top of his head. he checks the measurement and announces, "Five foot two!" This isn't looking good so the interviewer goes for the real basics; something the he won't have to count, measure, or lookup. "Just to confirm for our records, your name please?"
Pyarelal bobs his head from side to side for about fifteen seconds, mouthing something silently to himself, before replying, "Pyarelal!"
The interviewer is completely baffled at this stage, so he asks, "What were you doing when I asked you your name?"
"Oh, that!" replies Pyarelal," I was just running through that song, 'Happy birthday to you happy birthday to you...Happy Birthday dear Pyarelal...happy birthday to you...'.
Naughty Duck
A duck walked into a department store and asked the clerk if he had any
grapes. The clerk said no, it was the shoe department and he had no
grapes. The duck proceeded to waddle away.
A few minutes later the duck looked up and noticed this duck waddling
toward him again. The duck asked the clerk if he had any grapes. The
clerk, losing his temper, replied that he had no grapes and not to
bother him due to being too busy for that type of antics.
The duck waddled away.
Not more than 5 minutes later, in waddles the duck. Directly to the
clerk he went. "Got any grapes?"
The clerk, steaming, replied, "If you come in here again and ask for
grapes, I am going to nail those flat feet of yours to the floor!"
The duck shrugged his shoulders and waddled out the door. Two seconds
later the duck approaches the clerk, "Got any nails?"
The clerk, "NO, WE JUST SELL SHOES!"
The duck, "Got any grapes?"
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Welcome surprises
As we stumble upon new research which reveals that wearing stilettos can improve orgasms, here's a look at other unusual libido-lifters...
Wear high heels
A pair of those can actually work wonders for your sex life, new research suggests.
Why?
They directly work the pelvic-floor muscles, urologists say. They also hope to prove that wearing heels can reduce the need to do tricky pelvic exercises to keep the vagina toned.
Drink coffee
A cup boosts female sex drive.
Why?
American scientists claim caffeine stimulates parts of the brain that control arousal. But the aphrodisiac only works on women who don't drink coffee regularly.
Hit the gym
Women who work out three to five times a week have more satisfying sex than those who do nothing, studies find.
Why?
Not only does exercise improve body image, reduce stress and boost energy, it increases libido-lifting testosterone levels and genital blood flow.
Eat salmon
Eating oily fish can intensify orgasms.
Why?
Researchers claim the omega 3s "can boost your levels of dopamine – a neurotransmitter vital in stimulating desire".
Enjoy a girls' night out
Good friends can be an all-round aphrodisiac, say psychologists.
Why?
Social life makes you happier and more appealing to your other half, studies have found. Outside friendships give couples more to talk about.
Turn off the TV
An Italian study found couples with a TV in the bedroom had half as much sex as those who didn't and that violent films and reality shows were passion-killers.
Why?
Couples with no bedroom TV reported sharing stories and cuddling, which led to more sex. With our entertainment industry growing manifold and the number of reality shows and post-eleven-o-clock soaps increasing, this might be a point to ponder for you.
B4 working..........
A new vacuum cleaner salesman knocked on the door on the first house of the street.
A tall lady answered the door.
Before she could eak, the enthusiastic salesman barged into the living room and
opened a big black plastic bag and poured all the cow droppings onto the carpet.
I will EAT all this s...............!" exclaimed the eager salesman.
The bewildered salesman asked, " Why, madam?"
"Do you need chilli sauce or ketchup with that?" asked the lady.
"Madam, if I could not clean this up with the use of this new powerful vacuum cleaner,
"There's no electricity in the house..." said the lady
MORAL: Gather All resources be4 working on any project...!! !
Q & A
Q. How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
A. Concrete floors are very hard to crack!
Q. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?
A. No time at all it is already built.
Q. Approximately how many birthdays does the average Japanese woman have?
A. Just one. All the others are anniversaries..
Q. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in the other hand, what would you have?
A. Very large hands..
Q. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
A. It is not a problem, since you will never find an elephant with one hand.
Q. How can a man go eight days without sleep?
A. He sleeps at night.
Q. Why it is impossible to send a telegram to Washington today?
A: Because he is dead.
Q. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?
A: It becomes wet.
Q. What often falls but never gets hurt?
A : Rain
Q. What is that no man ever saw which never was but always will be?
A : TOMORROW
Q. What looks like half apple?
A : The other half.
Q. What can you never eat for breakfast?
A : Dinner.
Q. What gets wet with drying?
A : A towel
Q. What 3 letters change a girl into a woman?
A : AGE.
Q. What happened when wheel was invented?
A : It caused a revolution.
Q. Why is it easy to weigh a fish?
A : Because it has its own scales.
Q.. Why does a bike rest on its leg?
A : Because it is too tyred.
Q. Bay of Bengal is in which state
A : liquid
Air India
Namashkaar.. . Air India mein sabko swaagath hai.
Good morning, Ladies and Gentlemen. This is your captain welcoming both seated and standing passengers on board Air India.
We apologize for the four-day delay in taking off, it was due to bad weather and partly due to the search for a missing tyre.
This is flight 981 to Thiruvananthapuram. Landing there is not guaranteed, but we will end up somewhere in India. And, if luck is in your favor, we may even be landing on your village!
I request every body to relax and enjoy the journey. this aircraft is privileged to have made the least number of accidents in it's total flying period. That is, only 72 minor accidents in 62 years.
Air India has an excellent safety-record. In fact, our safety standards are so high, that even terrorists are afraid to fly with us! It is with pleasure; I announce! that, starting this year, over 30% of our Passengers have reached their destination.
Food will be served onboard if we take off. For your convenience, air sickness bags will be supplied right after food so that you can avoid vomitting on the floor.
If our engines are too noisy for you, on passenger request, we can arrange to turn them off. To make your free fall to earth pleasant and memorable, we serve Complimentary DHARU and vada paavw. For our not-so-religious passengers, we are the only airline who can help you find out if there really is a God!
We regret to inform you, that today's in-flight movie will not be shown as we forgot to record it from the television. However, for our movie buffs, we will be flying right next to Emirates Airlines, where their movie will be visible from the right side of the cabin window.
There is no smoking allowed in this airplane. Any smoke you see in the Cabin is only the early warnin! g system on the engines telling us to slow down!
In order to catch a look at important landmarks, we try to fly as close as possible. For the best view , if however, we go a little too close, do let us know. Our enthusiastic co-pilot sometimes flies right through the landmark!
Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright position for take-off and fasten your seat-belt. For those of you who can't find a seat-belt, kindly fasten your own belt to the arm of your seat. And, for those of you who can't find a seat, do not hesitate to get in touch with a stewardess who will explain how to fasten yourself to your suitcase.
Once again, thank you for flying by Air India
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
TEST
Emotion Test
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~
- Red - You are alert and your life is full of love.
- Black - You are conservative and aggressive.
- Green - Your soul is relaxed and you are laid back.
- Blue - You are spontaneous and love kisses and affection from the ones you love.
- Yellow - You are a very happy person and give good advice to those who are down.
- A-K You have a lot of love and friendships in your life
- L-R You try to enjoy your life to the maximum & your love life is soon to blossom.
- S-Z You like to help others and your future love life looks very good
- Jan-Mar: The year will go very well for you and you will discover that you fall in love with someone totally unexpected.
- April-June: You will have a strong love relationship that will not last long but the memories will last forever.
- July-Sep: You will have a great year and will experience a major life-changing experience for the good.
- Oc t-Dec: Your love life will not be great, but eventually you will find your soul mate.
- Black: Your life will take on a different direction, it will seem hard at the time but will be the best thing for you, and you will be glad for the change
- White: You will have a friend who completely confides in you and would do anything for you, but you may not realize it.
simple home remedies
SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES:
Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold while you chop.
Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by using
the shower.
For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a
few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.
A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will
be afraid to cough.
You only need two tools in life - WD-40 and Duct Tape.
If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40.
If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.
DAILY THOUGHT:
SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKEYS. THEY'RE NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS !
Smart Sindhi
A Sindhi and his two sons and three FRENCH are travelling by train to a football match at the World Cup.
At the station, the three FRENCH buy a ticket each and watch as the Sindhis buy just one ticket for them all.
"How are the 3 of you going to travel on only one ticket?" asks one of the FRENCH.
"Watch and learn," answers one the Sindhi father
They all board the train. The FRENCH take their respective seats but all three Sindhis cram into a toilet and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train departs, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the toilet door and says, "Ticket please."
The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.
The FRENCH see this and agree it was quite a clever idea. So after the game, they decide to copy the Sindhis style on the return trip and save some money.
When they get to the station, they buy one ticket for three on the return trip. To their astonishment, the Sindhis don't buy a ticket at all!
"How are you going to travel without a ticket?" asks one of the FRENCH.
"Watch and learn," answers the Sindhi father.
When they board the train the three FRENCH cram into one toilet and soon after the three Sindhis cram into another nearby toilet. The train departs.
Shortly afterwards, the sindhi father leaves the toilet and walks over to the toilet where the FRENCH are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket please."
The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand.
The father takes the ticket and goes back into his toilet and looks at his sons and says "see how the smart Sindhi brain works"? Smart Sindhi..........
Matrimonial Ads....Hillarious
This is Ultimate…I bet u can't stop laughing. These are
Girls profiles taken from shaadi.com These are actual ads on a matrimony
site. Grammar and spelling errors have no place in a profile description as
everything is straight from the heart!
Disclaimer : I am not responsible if you forget your basic grammar after
reading this mail...
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~
Hello To Viewers My Name is Saradha , I am single i dont have male,If any
one whant to marrie to me u can visite to my home. I am not a good
education but i working all field in bangalore .... if u like me u welcome
to my heart... when ever u whant to meet pls visit my resident or send u
letter..
Thanks
yours Regards Saradha ~*~
(Truly yours)
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~
i want very simple boy. from brahmin educated family from Orissa state she
is also know about RAMAYAN, GEETA BHAGABATA, and other homework
(Wut Homework?)
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~
I am a happy-go-lucky kind of person. Enjoys every moments of life. I love
to make friendship. Becauese friendship is a first step of love. I am
looking for my dreamboy who will love me more than i. Because i love myself
a lot. If u think that is u then why to late come on ............hold my
hand forever !!!
(The dilwale dulhaniya effect)
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~
i want a boy with no drinks if he wants he can wear jeans in house but
while steping out of house he should give recpect to our cast
(by not wearing his jeans? Wat the hell...)
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~
HYE I AM A GOOD LOKING GIRL,WHO HAS THE CAPABILITY TO MAKE ANY BODY TO
LOUGH.I BELIEVE IN GOD AND ACCORDING TO ME FRIENDS ARE THE REAL MESSENGER
OF GOD. THE 3 THINGS I AM LOOKING FROM A BOY THEY ARE
1. THEY MUST BELIEVE IN GOD.
2. THEY HAVE TO LIKE MY PROFFESION
3. THEY SHOULD NOT GET BORED WITH ME WHEN I WILL TRY TO MAKE THEM LOUGH.
(all of us are loughing {laughing})
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~
whatever he may be but he should feel that he is going to be someone groom
and he must think of the future life if he is toolike this he would be
called the man of the lamp
(I am clueless, I feel so lost. Can anyone tell me what this girl wants)
Infact she doesn ?t know wat she wants ?.. ? A LAMP??
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~
i love my patner i marriage the patner ok i search my patner and I love the
patner ok thik hai the patner has a graduate ok
(I am again clueless but I liked the use of "ok". The person is suffering
from "Ok-syndrome" )
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~
iam pranati my family histoy my two brother two sister and father & mother
sister completely married
(somebody please explain in comments section how to get married
'completely' ?) ( Confused ????? )
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~
my name is farhanbegum and i am unmarried. pleaes you marrige me pleaes
pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes
(height of desperation! )
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~
iam kanandevi. i do owo businas.one sistar.he was marred.
(No comments)
( Plz ? for gods sake ask somebody ?s help in framing sentence )
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~
hello i am a good charactarised woman. i want to run my life happily. i
divorced my first husband. his charactor is not good'. i expect the good
minded and clean habits boy who may be in the same caste or other caste
accepted ... (but credit cards not accepted..?? ?)
(Perhaps Debit Cards accepted ?.. Clean Habit s??????? Is there anything
like that.)
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~
I am Sharmila my colour is black, but my heart is white. i like social
service.
(Zebra..???) (Gosh!!!!!!! ! she knows her heart color)
his is Ultimate…I bet u can't stop laughing. These are
Girls profiles taken from shaadi.com These are actual ads on a matrimony
site. Grammar and spelling errors have no place in a profile description as
everything is straight from the heart!
Disclaimer : I am not responsible if you forget your basic grammar after
reading this mail....
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~
Hello To Viewers My Name is Saradha , I am single i dont have male,If any
one whant to marrie to me u can visite to my home. I am not a good
education but i working all field in bangalore .... if u like me u welcome
to my heart... when ever u whant to meet pls visit my resident or send u
letter..
Thanks
yours Regards Saradha ~*~
(Truly yours)
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~
i want very simple boy. from brahmin educated family from Orissa state she
is also know about RAMAYAN, GEETA BHAGABATA, and other homework
(Wut Homework?)
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~
I am a happy-go-lucky kind of person. Enjoys every moments of life. I love
to make friendship. Becauese friendship is a first step of love. I am
looking for my dreamboy who will love me more than i. Because i love myself
a lot. If u think that is u then why to late come on ............hold my
hand forever !!!
(The dilwale dulhaniya effect)
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~
i want a boy with no drinks if he wants he can wear jeans in house but
while steping out of house he should give recpect to our cast
(by not wearing his jeans? Wat the hell...)
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~
HYE I AM A GOOD LOKING GIRL,WHO HAS THE CAPABILITY TO MAKE ANY BODY TO
LOUGH.I BELIEVE IN GOD AND ACCORDING TO ME FRIENDS ARE THE REAL MESSENGER
OF GOD. THE 3 THINGS I AM LOOKING FROM A BOY THEY ARE
1. THEY MUST BELIEVE IN GOD.
2. THEY HAVE TO LIKE MY PROFFESION
3. THEY SHOULD NOT GET BORED WITH ME WHEN I WILL TRY TO MAKE THEM LOUGH.
(all of us are loughing {laughing})
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~
whatever he may be but he should feel that he is going to be someone groom
and he must think of the future life if he is toolike this he would be
called the man of the lamp
(I am clueless, I feel so lost. Can anyone tell me what this girl wants)
Infact she doesn ?t know wat she wants ?.. ? A LAMP??
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~
i love my patner i marriage the patner ok i search my patner and I love the
patner ok thik hai the patner has a graduate ok
(I am again clueless but I liked the use of "ok". The person is suffering
from "Ok-syndrome" )
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~
iam pranati my family histoy my two brother two sister and father & mother
sister completely married
(somebody please explain in comments section how to get married
'completely' ?) ( Confused ????? )
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~
my name is farhanbegum and i am unmarried. pleaes you marrige me pleaes
pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes
(height of desperation! )
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~
iam kanandevi. i do owo businas.one sistar.he was marred.
(No comments)
( Plz ? for gods sake ask somebody ?s help in framing sentence )
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~
hello i am a good charactarised woman. i want to run my life happily. i
divorced my first husband. his charactor is not good'. i expect the good
minded and clean habits boy who may be in the same caste or other caste
accepted ... (but credit cards not accepted..?? ?)
(Perhaps Debit Cards accepted ?.. Clean Habit s??????? Is there anything
like that.)
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~
I am Sharmila my colour is black, but my heart is white. i like social
service.
(Zebra..???) (Gosh!!!!!!! ! she knows her heart color)
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Impact of job change
A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a
question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit
a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a
shop window.
For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said:
"Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out
of me!".
The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap
would scare you so much."
The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my
first day as a cab driver - I've been driving a van carrying dead
Bodies for the last 25 years.......
Rack your brain
Suppose you want to send in the mail a valuable object to a friend. You have a box which is big enough to hold the object. The box has a locking ring which is large enough to have a lock attached and you have several locks with keys. However, your friend does not have the key to any lock that you have. You cannot send the key in an unlocked box since it may be stolen or copied. How do you send the valuable object, locked, to your friend - so it may be opened by your friend?
See Answer
Send the box with a lock attached and locked. Your friend attaches his or her own lock and sends the box back to you. You remove your lock and send it back to your friend. Your friend may then remove the lock she or he put on and open the box.
Rude Parrot
A lady was walking down the street to work and she saw a parrot on a perch in front of a pet store. The parrot said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." Well, the lady is furious! She stormed past the store to her work. On the way home she saw the same parrot and it said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly."
She was incredibly upset now. The next day the same parrot again said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly."
The lady was so upset that she went into the store and said that she would sue the store and kill the bird. The store manager replied, "That's not good," and promised he wouldn't say it again.
When the lady walked past the store that day after work the parrot called to her, "Hey lady."
She paused and said, "Yes?"
The bird said, "You know."
Confusing English
1. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
2. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
3. If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?
4. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
5. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
6. Why the man who invests all your money called a broker?
7. If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to Make terrible?
8. Why is it called building when it is already built?
9. If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?
10. If you're not supposed to drink and drive, then why do Bars have parking lots?
11. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around Several times, does he become disoriented?
12. If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?? Human ???
13. If working hours are meant for working, then why are you reading this???
Get Back to WORK !
3% Peroxide
This is good stuff, buy a bottle for every room
This was written by Becky Ransey of Indiana
"I would like to tell you of the benefits of that plain little old
bottle of 3% peroxide you can get for under $1..00 at any drug
store. My husband has been in the medical field for over 36 years,
and most doctors don't tell you about peroxide, or they would lose
thousands of dollars."
1. Take one capful (the little white cap that comes with the
bottle) and hold in your mouth for 10 minutes daily, then spit it
out. (I do it when I bathe)
No more canker sores and your teeth will be whiter without
expensive pastes. Use it instead of mouthwash. (Small print says
mouth wash and gargle right on the bottle)
2. Let your toothbrushes soak in a cup of "Peroxide" to keep them
free of germs.
3. Clean your counters, table tops with peroxide to kill germs and
leave a fresh smell. Simply put a little on your dishrag when you
wipe, or spray it on the counters.
4. After rinsing off your wooden cutting board, pour peroxide on it
to kill salmonella and other bacteria.
5. I had fungus on my feet for years - until I sprayed a 50/50
mixture of peroxide and water on them (especially the toes) every
night and let dry.
6. Soak any infections or cuts in 3% peroxide for five to ten
minutes several times a day. My husband has seen gangrene that
would not heal with any medicine, but was healed by soaking in
peroxide.
7. Fill a spray bottle with a 50/50 mixture of peroxide and water
and keep it in every bathroom to disinfect without harming your
septic system like bleach or most other disinfectants will.
8. Tilt your head back and spray into nostrils with your 50/50
mixture whenever you have a cold, or plugged sinuses. It will
bubble and help to kill the bacteria. Hold for a few minutes then
blow your nose into a tissue.
9. If you have a terrible toothache and cannot get to a dentist
right away, put a capful of 3% peroxide into your mouth and hold it
for ten minutes several times a day. The pain will lessen greatly.
10. And of course, if you like a natural look to your hair, spray
the 50/50 solution on your wet hair after a shower and comb it
through. You will not have the peroxide burnt blonde hair like the
hair dye packages, but more natural highlights if your hair is a
light brown, reddish, or dirty blonde. It also lightens gradually
so it's not a drastic change.
11. Put half a bottle of peroxide in your bath to help rid boils,
fungus, or other skin infections.
12. You can also add a cup of peroxide instead of bleach to a load
of whites in your laundry to whiten them. If there is blood on
clothing, pour directly on the soiled spot. Let it sit for a
minute, then rub it and rinse with cold water. Repeat if necessary.
13. I use peroxide to clean my mirrors with, and there is no
smearing which is why I love it so much for this.
I could go on and on. It is a little brown bottle no home should
be without! With prices of most necessities rising, I'm glad
there's a way to save tons of money in such a simple, healthy
manner.
Send on to others who might need to know the benefits of 3%
peroxide.
How deep a sleeper you are
HOW DEEP A SLEEPER ARE YOU??
TAKE THE TEST AND KNOW:>>>>>
Write down your anser on a sheet of paper for example 1.a 2.b etc
Q.1 A bureaucrat offers to do your work faster if you're willing to offer
him a bribe. You:
A} Pay up. It's too much of a hassle otherwise.
B} Politely decline, and pretend it never happened.
C} Decline, and lodge a complaint against him.
Q.2 An underage child is offered to you as house-help. You:
A} Hire him/her. It's much cheaper.
B} Decline. It'll play on your conscience.
C} Decline, and file a complaint at the police station.
Q.3 You've been informed that there will be a water shortage. You:
A} Install a mini-tank in your home so you're not affected.
B} Shower for a few minutes less every day.
C} Conserve water yourself, and start an awareness campaign in your locality.
Q.4 You see someone throwing away an empty wrapper on a road. You:
A} Ignore it. The sweeper will pick it up eventually.
B} You pick it up, and throw it in a dustbin yourself.
C} Confront him, and request him to throw it in a dustbin.
Q.5 You see a pothole in a road. You:
A} Make a mental note not to drive over it.
B} Curse the BMC, the road contractors and the world.
C} Write to the media, and embarrass the authorities enough to fix it.
Q.6 You see a rare wildlife pelt in an acquaintance's house. You:
A} Admire it for its beauty.
B} Keep your discomfort to yourself.
C} Convince the person to turn the pelt over to the authorities.
Q.7 A shopkeeper is selling goods for more than the M.R.P. You:
A} Purchase it. It's a small difference, anyway.
B} Don't buy it, as a mark of protest.
C} Inform him that it's illegal, and take him to the authorities if he doesn't listen.
Q.8 Election time is around the corner, and you don't like any
candidate. You:
A} Don't vote.
B} Go to the polling booth, and cast an invalid vote.
C} Become politically active to ensure that there's a decent candidate who's contesting.
Q.9 Your company is allotting you the car of your choice.
You decide to get:
A} The big SUV.
B} The luxury sedan.
C} The Eco-friendly hybrid car.
Q.10 You witness a major crime that's taking place. You:
A} Walk away, and pretend you saw nothing.
B} Make an anonymous call to the police, tipping them off.
C} Make a police complaint in person, and stand witness during the court trial.
Points: A- 1 point. B- 2 points. C- 5 points.
Scoring: 10-15 points: You're a deep sleeper, even when you're awake. Because you see the problems at hand, but wilfully choose to ignore them. You'll need a lot of effort to awaken.
16-35 points: You're a moderate sleeper, because you're aware of the issues that concern society. You need to push yourself more to make a real difference, and truly awaken.36 points and above: You're truly awakened. You react in the best possible manner to every problem, and try to make a positive impact. The world needs more people like you.