Google
 

Friday, October 31, 2008

Killing English in a New Way ( Jokes )

Principal to student..." I saw u yesterday rotating near girls hostel pulling cigerette... ? "

Class teacher once said : " pick up the paper and fall in the dustbin!!!"

Once Hindi teacher said...."I'm going out of the world to America.."

"..DON'T TRY TO TALK IN FRONT OF MY BACK.."

Don't..laugh at the back benches...otherwise teeth and all will be fallen down.....

It was very hot in the afternoon when the teacher entered.. She tried to switch the fan on, but there was some problem. And then she said " why is fan not oning" (ing form of on)

Teacher in a furious mood... Write down ur name and father of ur name!!

Love Humor? Join our Group Funzug!

"shhh... Quiet... The principal is revolving around college"

My manager started like this "Hi, I am Pinky, Married with two kids"

"I'll illustrate what I have in my mind" said the professor and erased the board

"will u hang that calender or else I'll HANG MYSELF"

LIBRARIAN SCOLDE ," IF U WILL TALK AGAIN , I WILL KNEEL DOWN OUTSIDE"

Chemistry HOD comes and tells us.... "My aim is to study my son and marry my daughter"

Tomorrow call ur parents especially mother and father

"why are you looking at the monkeys outside when I am in the class?!"

Lab assistant said this when my friend wrote wrong code.. "I understand. You understand. Computer how understand??

Seing the principal passing by, the teacher told the noisy class.. "Keep quiet, the principal has passed away"

 

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Truth OF LIFE

Woman

A store that sells husbands has just opened in Ottawa where a woman may go to choose a husband from among many men. The store is comprised of 6 floors, and the men increase in positive attributes as the shopper ascends the flights.
 
There is, however, a catch. As you open the door to any floor you may choose a man from that floor, but if you go up a floor, you cannot go back down except to exit the building.
 
So a woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
 
Floor 1 - These men have jobs.
 
The woman reads the sign and says to herself, "Well, that's better than my last boyfriend, but I wonder what's further up?"
 
So up she goes.
 
The second floor sign reads:
 
Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love, kids.
 
The woman remarks to herself, "That's great, but I wonder what's further up?" And up she goes again.
 
The third floor sign reads:
 
Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids and are extremely good looking.
 
"Hmmm, better" she says. "But I wonder what's upstairs?"
 
The fourth floor sign reads:
 
Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking and help with the housework.
 
"Wow!" exclaims the woman, "very tempting. BUT, there must be more further up!" And again she heads up another flight.
 
The fifth floor sign reads:
 
Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak. "Oh, mercy me! But just think. What must be awaiting me further on?"
 
So up to the sixth floor she goes.
 
The sixth floor sign reads:
 
Floor 6 - You are visitor 3,456,789,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping Husband Mart and have a nice day!

 

Monday, October 27, 2008

Bill Gates After Death !!!!



http://nicefun.net/userpix/4_nicefun_net_Bill_Gates__1.jpg

 

 

Well, Bill," said God, "I'm really confused on this one. I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell! After all, you helped society enormously by putting a computer in almost every home in the world and yet you created that ghastly Windows. I'm going to do something I've never done before. I'm going to let you decide where you want to go!" 

Mr. Gates replied, "Well, thanks, Lord. What's the difference between the two?" 

God said, "You can take a peek at both places briefly if it will help you decide. Shall we look at Hell first?" "Sure!" said Bill. "Let's go!"

 

http://nicefun.net/userpix/4_nicefun_net_Gates_Bill_talking_1.jpg

 

 

Bill was amazed! He saw a clean, white sandy beach with clear waters. There were thousands of beautiful women running around, playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about. 

The sun was shining and the temperature was just perfect! 

Bill said, "This is great! If this is Hell, I can't wait to see Heaven!" 

To which God replied, "Let's go!" and off they went. Bill saw puffy white clouds in a beautiful blue sky with angels drifting about playing harps and singing. 

It was nice, but surely not as enticing as Hell. Mr. Gates thought for only a brief moment and rendered his decision. 

"God, I do believe I would like to go to Hell." 

"As you desire," said God. 

Two weeks later, God decided to check up on the late billionaire to see how things were going. He found Bill shackled to a wall, screaming among the hot flames in a dark cave. He was being burned and tortured by demons. 

"How ya doin', Bill?" asked God. Bill responded with anguish and despair. 

"This is awful! This is not what I expected at all! What happened to the beach and the beautiful women playing in the water?" 

Rolling Eyes Rolling Eyes Rolling Eyes Rolling Eyes 


Shocked Shocked Shocked Shocked 
"Oh, THAT!" said God. "That was the screen saver"

 

Daddy

HOW A SON/DAUGHTER THINKS OF HIS/HER DADDY AT DIFFERENT AGES:


At 4 Years
My daddy is great.

At 6 Years
My daddy knows everybody.

At 10 Years
My daddy is good but is short tempered

At 12 Years
My daddy was very nice to me when I was young.

At 14 Years
My daddy is getting fastidious.

At 16 Years
My daddy is not in line with the current times.

At 18 Years
My daddy is becoming increasingly cranky.

At 20 Years
Oh! Its becoming difficult to tolerate daddy. Wonder how Mother puts up with him.

At 25 Years
Daddy is objecting to everything.

At 30 Years
It's becoming difficult to manage my son. I was so scared of my father when I was young.
 
At 40 Years
Daddy brought me up with so much discipline. Even I should do the same.

At 45 Years
I am baffled as to how my daddy brought us up.

At 50 Years
My daddy faced so many hardships to bring us up. I am unable to manage a single son.

At 55 Years
My daddy was so far sighted and planned so many things for us. He is one of his kind and unique.

At 60 Years
My daddy is great.

Thus, it took 56 years to complete the cycle and come back to the 1st. stage. Realize the true value of your parents before its too late

 

Girls.....must read...........

Friday, October 24, 2008

Chinese to Chinese>>>>>>>

Chinese speaking to a Chinese operator... 

 

Caller: Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan?

Operator: Yes, you can speak to me.

Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan!

Operator: Yes I understand you want to speak to anyone. You can speak
to me. Who is this?

Caller: I'm Sam Wan. And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It's urgent.

Operator: I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But
what's this urgent matter about?

Caller: Well... just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother Noe Wan
was involved in an accident. Noe Wan got injured and now Noe Wan is
being sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan is on his way to the
hospital.

Operator: Look, if no one was injured and no one was sent to the
hospital, then the accident isn't an urgent matter! You may find this
hilarious but I don't have time for this!

Caller: You are so rude! Who are you?

Operator: I'm Saw Ree.

Caller: Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!!

Operator: That's what I said. I'm Saw Ree….

 

Marriage Proposal

Dear Ms. ABCDEFGHI,

Baby, I 'v seen you yesterday while surfing on local train
platform and realized that you are the only site I was browsing for. For
long time, I have been lonely, trying to find a bug in my life and you can
be a real debugger for me now.
My life is just an uncompiled program without you, which never
produces an executable code and hence is useless. You are not only
beautiful by face but all your ActiveX controls are attractive as well.
Your smile is so delightful, which encourages me and gives
power to me equal to thousands of mainframes processing power. When you
looked at me last evening, I felt like all my program modules were running
smoothly and giving expected results. /* Which I never experienced before
*/.
With this letter, I just want to convey to you that, if we
linked together, I'll provide you all objects & libraries necessary
for a human being to live an error free life.
Also don't bother about the firewall
which may be created by
our parents as I've strong hacking capabilities by which I'll ultimately
break their security

passwords and make them agree for our marriage.
I anticipate that nobody is already logged in to your database
so that my connect script will fail. And its all certain that if this
happened to me,I will crash my system beyond recovery.
Kindly interpret this letter properly and grant me all
privileges of your inbox.

 

 

Only yours,
XYZ Software Professional

 

Latest Population Ranking: 2008




$ .,.,. Countries and Areas Ranked by Population: 2008 .,.,. $



 -------------------------------------------------------- 
 Rank Country or Area                          Population 
 -------------------------------------------------------- 
    1 China                                 1,330,044,605 
    2 India                                 1,147,995,898 
    3 United States                           303,824,646 
    4 Indonesia                               237,512,355 
    5 Brazil                                  196,342,587 
    6 Pakistan                                172,800,051 
    7 Bangladesh                              153,546,901 
    8 Nigeria                                 146,255,306 
    9 Russia                                  140,702,094 
   10 Japan                                   127,288,419 
   11 Mexico                                  109,955,400 
   12 Philippines                              96,061,683 
   13 Vietnam                                  86,116,559 
   14 Ethiopia                                 82,544,838 
   15 Germany                                  82,369,548 
   16 Egypt                                    81,713,517 
   17 Turkey                                   71,892,807 
   18 Congo (Kinshasa)                         66,514,506 
   19 Iran                                     65,875,223 
   20 Thailand                                 65,493,298 
   21 France                                   64,057,790 
   22 United Kingdom                           60,943,912 
   23 Italy                                    58,145,321 
   24 South Africa                             48,782,755 
   25 Korea, South                             48,379,392 
   26 Burma                                    47,758,181 
   27 Ukraine                                  45,994,287 
   28 Colombia                                 45,013,674 
   29 Spain                                    40,491,051 
   30 Argentina                                40,481,998 
   31 Sudan                                    40,218,455 
   32 Tanzania                                 40,213,162 
   33 Poland                                   38,500,696 
   34 Kenya                                    37,953,838 
   35 Morocco                                  34,343,219 
   36 Algeria                                  33,769,669 
   37 Canada                                   33,212,696 
   38 Afghanistan                              32,738,376 
   39 Uganda                                   31,367,972 
   40 Nepal                                    29,519,114 
   41 Peru                                     29,180,899 
   42 Iraq                                     28,221,181 
   43 Saudi Arabia                             28,146,657 
   44 Uzbekistan                               27,345,026 
   45 Venezuela                                26,414,815 
   46 Malaysia                                 25,274,133 
   47 Korea, North                             23,479,089 
   48 Ghana                                    23,382,848 
   49 Yemen                                    23,013,376 
   50 Taiwan                                   22,920,946 
   51 Romania                                  22,246,862 
   52 Mozambique                               21,284,701 
   53 Sri Lanka                                21,128,773 
   54 Australia                                21,007,310 
   55 Cote d'Ivoire                            20,179,602 
   56 Madagascar                               20,042,551 
   57 Syria                                    19,747,586 
   58 Cameroon                                 18,467,692 
   59 Netherlands                              16,645,313 
   60 Chile                                    16,454,143 
   61 Kazakhstan                               15,340,533 
   62 Burkina Faso                             15,264,735 
   63 Cambodia                                 14,241,640 
   64 Malawi                                   13,931,831 
   65 Ecuador                                  13,927,650 
   66 Niger                                    13,272,679 
   67 Guatemala                                13,002,206 
   68 Senegal                                  12,853,259 
   69 Angola                                   12,531,357 
   70 Mali                                     12,324,029 
   71 Zambia                                   11,669,534 
   72 Cuba                                     11,423,952 
   73 Zimbabwe                                 11,350,111 
   74 Greece                                   10,722,816 
   75 Portugal                                 10,676,910 
   76 Belgium                                  10,403,951 
   77 Tunisia                                  10,383,577 
   78 Czech Republic                           10,220,911 
   79 Rwanda                                   10,186,063 
   80 Serbia                                   10,159,046 
   81 Chad                                     10,111,337 
   82 Hungary                                   9,930,915 
   83 Guinea                                    9,806,509 
   84 Belarus                                   9,685,768 
   85 Somalia                                   9,558,666 
   86 Dominican Republic                        9,507,133 
   87 Bolivia                                   9,247,816 
   88 Sweden                                    9,045,389 
   89 Haiti                                     8,924,553 
   90 Burundi                                   8,691,005 
   91 Benin                                     8,532,547 
   92 Austria                                   8,205,533 
   93 Azerbaijan                                8,177,717 
   94 Honduras                                  7,639,327 
   95 Switzerland                               7,581,520 
   96 Bulgaria                                  7,262,675 
   97 Tajikistan                                7,211,884 
   98 Israel                                    7,112,359 
   99 El Salvador                               7,066,403 
  100 Hong Kong S.A.R.                          7,018,636 
  101 Paraguay                                  6,831,306 
  102 Laos                                      6,677,534 
  103 Sierra Leone                              6,294,774 
  104 Jordan                                    6,198,677 
  105 Libya                                     6,173,579 
  106 Papua New Guinea                          5,931,769 
  107 Togo                                      5,858,673 
  108 Nicaragua                                 5,785,846 
  109 Eritrea                                   5,502,026 
  110 Denmark                                   5,484,723 
  111 Slovakia                                  5,455,407 
  112 Kyrgyzstan                                5,356,869 
  113 Finland                                   5,244,749 
  114 Turkmenistan                              5,179,571 
  115 Norway                                    4,644,457 
  116 Georgia                                   4,630,841 
  117 United Arab Emirates                      4,621,399 
  118 Singapore                                 4,608,167 
  119 Bosnia and Herzegovina                    4,590,310 
  120 Croatia                                   4,491,543 
  121 Central African Republic                  4,444,330 
  122 Moldova                                   4,324,450 
  123 Costa Rica                                4,195,914 
  124 New Zealand                               4,173,460 
  125 Ireland                                   4,156,119 
  126 Lebanon                                   3,971,941 
  127 Puerto Rico                               3,958,128 
  128 Congo (Brazzaville)                       3,903,318 
  129 Albania                                   3,619,778 
  130 Lithuania                                 3,565,205 
  131 Uruguay                                   3,477,778 
  132 Mauritania                                3,364,940 
  133 Liberia                                   3,334,587 
  134 Oman                                      3,311,640 
  135 Panama                                    3,309,679 
  136 Mongolia                                  2,996,081 
  137 Armenia                                   2,968,586 
  138 Jamaica                                   2,804,332 
  139 Kuwait                                    2,596,799 
  140 West Bank                                 2,407,681 
  141 Latvia                                    2,245,423 
  142 Lesotho                                   2,128,180 
  143 Namibia                                   2,088,669 
  144 Macedonia                                 2,061,315 
  145 Slovenia                                  2,007,711 
  146 Botswana                                  1,842,323 
  147 Gambia, The                               1,735,464 
  148 Guinea-Bissau                             1,503,182 
  149 Gaza Strip                                1,500,202 
  150 Gabon                                     1,485,832 
  151 Estonia                                   1,307,605 
  152 Mauritius                                 1,274,189 
  153 Swaziland                                 1,128,814 
  154 Timor-Leste                               1,108,777 
  155 Trinidad and Tobago                       1,047,366 
  156 Fiji                                        931,741 
  157 Qatar                                       824,789 
  158 Cyprus                                      792,604 
  159 Guyana                                      770,794 
  160 Comoros                                     731,775 
  161 Bahrain                                     718,306 
  162 Bhutan                                      682,321 
  163 Montenegro                                  678,177 
  164 Equatorial Guinea                           616,459 
  165 Solomon Islands                             581,318 
  166 Macau S.A.R.                                545,674 
  167 Djibouti                                    506,221 
  168 Luxembourg                                  486,006 
  169 Suriname                                    475,996 
  170 Cape Verde                                  426,998 
  171 Malta                                       403,532 
  172 Western Sahara                              393,831 
  173 Maldives                                    385,925 
  174 Brunei                                      381,371 
  175 Bahamas, The                                307,451 
  176 Iceland                                     304,367 
  177 Belize                                      301,270 
  178 French Polynesia                            283,019 
  179 Barbados                                    281,968 
  180 Netherlands Antilles                        225,369 
  181 New Caledonia                               224,824 
  182 Samoa                                       217,083 
  183 Mayotte                                     216,306 
  184 Vanuatu                                     215,446 
  185 Sao Tome and Principe                       206,178 
  186 Guam                                        175,877 
  187 Saint Lucia                                 159,585 
  188 Tonga                                       119,009 
  189 Saint Vincent and the Grenadines            118,432 
  190 Kiribati                                    110,356 
  191 Virgin Islands, U.S.                        109,840 
  192 Micronesia, Federated States of             107,665 
  193 Aruba                                       101,541 
  194 Jersey                                       91,533 
  195 Grenada                                      90,343 
  196 Northern Mariana Islands                     86,616 
  197 Antigua and Barbuda                          84,522 
  198 Andorra                                      82,627 
  199 Seychelles                                   82,247 
  200 Isle of Man                                  76,220 
  201 Dominica                                     72,514 
  202 Bermuda                                      66,536 
  203 Guernsey                                     65,726 
  204 American Samoa                               64,827 
  205 Marshall Islands                             63,174 
  206 Greenland                                    57,564 
  207 Faroe Islands                                48,668 
  208 Cayman Islands                               47,862 
  209 Saint Kitts and Nevis                        39,817 
  210 Liechtenstein                                34,498 
  211 Monaco                                       32,796 
  212 San Marino                                   29,973 
  213 Saint Martin                                 29,376 
  214 Gibraltar                                    28,002 
  215 Virgin Islands, British                      24,041 
  216 Turks and Caicos Islands                     22,352 
  217 Palau                                        21,093 
  218 Wallis and Futuna                            15,237 
  219 Anguilla                                     14,108 
  220 Nauru                                        13,770 
  221 Cook Islands                                 12,271 
  222 Tuvalu                                       12,177 
  223 Saint Helena                                  7,601 
  224 Saint Barthelemy                              7,492 
  225 Saint Pierre and Miquelon                     7,044 
  226 Montserrat                                    5,079 

 

 

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Management Lessons

A Professor at a Managment Institute was explaining marketing concepts to the Students

  • You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" - That's Direct Marketing
  • You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says: "He's very rich. Marry him." - That's Advertising
  • You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day, you call and say: "Hi, I'm very rich. Marry me." - That's Telemarketing
  • You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink, you open the door (of the car) for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her ride and then say: "By the way, I'm rich. Will you marry me?" - That's Public Relations
  • You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says: "You are very rich! Can you marry ! me?" - That's Brand Recognition
  • You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" She gives you a nice hard slap on your face. - That's Customer Feedback
  • You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say:
     "I am very rich. Marry me!" And she introduces you to her husband. - That's Demand and Supply Gap
  • You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say anything, another person come and tell her: "I'm rich. Will you marry me?" and she goes with him - That's Competition eating into your Market Share
  • You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say: "I'm rich, Marry me!" & your wife arrives. - That's Restriction for entering New Markets

 

HR IN HELL

One day while walking down the street a highly successful
Human Resources Manager was tragically hit by a bus and she died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself.

"Welcome to Heaven," said St. Peter. "Before you get settled in though, it seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we've never once had a Human Resources Manager make it this far and we're not really sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in," said the woman.


"Well, I'd like to, but I have higher orders. What we're going to do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in."


"Actually, I think I've made up my mind, I prefer to stay in Heaven", said the woman


"Sorry, we have rules..."


And with that St. Peter put the executive in an elevator and it went down-down-down to hell.


The doors opened and she found herself stepping out onto the putting green of a beautiful golf course. In the distance was a country club and standing in front of her were all her friends - fellow executives that she had worked with and they were well dressed in evening gowns and cheering for her. They ran up and kissed her on both cheeks and they talked about old times. They played an excellent round of golf and at night went to the country club where she enjoyed an excellent steak and lobster dinner.


She met the Devil who was actually a really nice guy (kind
of cute) and she had a great time telling jokes and dancing. She was having such a good time that before she knew it, it was time to leave. Everybody shook her hand and waved goodbye as she got on the elevator.


The elevator went up-up-up and opened back up at the Pearly Gates and found St. Peter waiting for her.


"Now it's time to spend a day in heaven," he said. So she spent the next 24 hours lounging around on clouds and playing the harp and singing. She had great time and before she knew it her 24 hours were up and St. Peter came and got her.


"So, you've spent a day in hell and you've spent a day in heaven. Now you must choose your eternity,"


The woman paused for a second and then replied, "Well, I never thought I'd say this, I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I think I had a better time in Hell."


So St. Peter escorted her to the elevator and again she went down-down-down back to Hell.


When the doors of the elevator opened she found herself standing in a desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. She saw her friends were dressed in rags and were picking up the garbage and putting it in sacks.


The Devil came up to her and put his arm around her.


"I don't understand," stammered the woman, "yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and we danced and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland of garbage and all my friends look miserable."


The Devil looked at her smiled and told...
...
...
...

...
...
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
"Yesterday we were recruiting you, today you're an Employee"

__._,_.___

The 7 Habits of Man & Woma

Men:

1. All men are extremely busy.
2. Although they are so busy, they still have time for women.
3. Although they have time for women, they don't really care for them.
4. Although they don't really care for them, they always have one around.
5. Although they always have one around them, they always try their luck with others.
6. Although they try their luck with others, they get really pissed off if the women leaves them.
7. Although the women leaves them they still don't learn from their mistakes and still try their luck with others.


Women:

1. The most important thing for a woman is financial security.
2. Although this is so important, they still go out and buy expensive clothes.
3. Although they always buy expensive clothes, they never have something to wear.
4. Although they never have something to wear, they always dress beautifully.
5. Although they always dress beautifully, their clothes are always just "An old rag".
6. Although their clothes are always "just an old rag", they still expect you to compliment them.
7. Although they expect you to compliment them, when you do, they don't believe you.
DISCLAIMER:- This email is confidential and intended only for the use of the individual or entity named above and may contain information that is privileged. If you are not the intended recipient, you are notified that any dissemination, distribution or copying of this email is strictly prohibited. If you have received this email in error, please notify us immediately by return email or telephone and destroy the original message. Thank you.

Kind Lawyers

One afternoon a wealthy lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two
men along the roadside eating grass.

Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.

He asked one man 'Why are you eating grass?'

'We don't have any money for food,' the poor man replied. 'We have to eat
grass.'

'Well,  then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you', the
lawyer said.

'But sir, I have a wife and two children  with me. They are over there,
under that tree'.

'Bring them along,' the lawyer replied.

Turning to the other poor man he stated, 'You come with us also.'

The second man, in a pitiful voice then said, 'But sir, I also have a  wife
and SIX children with me!'

'Bring them all, as well,' the  lawyer answered.

They all entered the car, which was no easy  task, even  for a car as large
as the limousine was. Once underway, one of the poor fellows turned to the
lawyer and said, 'Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us
with you.'

The lawyer replied, 'Glad to do it. You'll really  love my place; the grass
is almost 1 metre high!'


Lesson : Don't trust kind lawyers!!

Monday, October 20, 2008

An intelligent love letter

Intelligent Lover's Love Letter






This is a love letter from a boy to a girl.... However, the girl's

father does not like him and want them to stop their

relationship...... and so... The boy wrote this letter to the girl..

he knows that the girl's father will definitely read this letter..



1 'The great love that I have for you

2 is gone, and I find my dislike for you

3 grows every day. When I see you,

4 I do not even like your face;

5 the one thing that I want to do is to

6 look at other girls. I never wanted to

7 marry you. Our last conversation

8 was very boring and has not

9 made me look forward to seeing you again.

10 You think only of yourself.

11 If we were married, I know that I would find

12 life very difficult, and I would have no

13 pleasure in living with you. I have a heart

14 to give, but it is not something that

15 I want to give to you. No one is more

16 foolish and selfish than you, and you are not

17 able to care for me and help me.

18 I sincerely want you to understand that

19 I speak the truth. You will do me a favor

20 if you think this is the end. Do not try

21 to answer this. Your letters are full of

22 things that do not interest me. You have no

23 true love for me. Good-bye! Believe me,

24 I do not care for you. Please do not think that

25 I am still your boyfriend.'



So bad!! However, before handing over the letter to the girl, the boy told the girl to 'READ BETWEEN THE LINES', meaning-only to read

1.3.5.7.9.11.13 (Odd No.'s) go read it once again but the Odd Number

lines..

 

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Illogical ........

Students secures lower grades in the externals, after looking at the mark sheet he asks professor.

Student : "Can you answer any question ? " .

Professor: "Surely I must. Otherwise I would not be a professor!"

Student: "Great, well then I would like to ask you a question. If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my mark as is and go. If you however do not know the answer, I want you give me an "A" for the exam. "

Professor: "Okay, it's a deal. So what is the question?"

Student: "What is legal, but not logical, logical, but not legal, and neither logical, nor legal?"

Even after some long and hard consideration, the professor cannot give the student an answer, and therefore changes his exam mark into an "A", as agreed.

Afterwards, the professor calls on his best student and asks him the same question.
He immediately answers: "Sir, you are 63 years old and married to a 35 year old woman, which is legal, but not logical.. Your wife has a 25 year old lover, which is logical, but not legal. The fact that you have given your wife's lover an "A", although he really should have failed, is neither legal, nor logical."

THE BEST OF THE WORST!!!!

THE WORST HIJACKING

We shall never know the identity of the man who in 1976 made the most unsuccessful hijack attempt ever. On a flight across America, he rose from his seat, drew gun and took the stewardess hostage.
'Take me to Detroit,' he demanded.
'We're already going to Detroit,' she replied.
'Oh ... good,' he said, and sat down again.
------------ --------- --------- ------------ --------- --------- ------------ --------- --------
 THE WORST BANK ROBBERY
In August 1975 three men were on their way in to rob the Royal Bank of Scotland at Rothesay, when they got stuck in the revolving doors. They had to be helped free by the staff and, after thanking everyone, sheepishly left the building.
A few minutes later they returned and announced their intention of robbing the bank, but none of the staff believed them.
When they demanded 5,000 pounds in cash, the head cashier laughed at them, convinced that it was a practical joke.. Then one of the men jumped over the counter, but fell to the floor clutching his ankle. The other two tried to make their getaway, but got trapped in the revolving doors again.
------------ --------- --------- ------------ --------- --------- ------------ --------- --------
THE WORST ANIMAL RESCUE
During the firemen's strike of 1978, the British Army had taken over emergency fire fighting and on 14 January they were called out by an elderly lady in South London to retrieve her cat which had trapped up a tree.
They arrived with impressive haste and soon discharged their duty. So grateful was the lady that she invited them all in for tea. Driving off later, with fond farewells completed, they ran over the cat and killed it!!
------------ --------- --------- ------------ --------- --------- ------------ --------- ------
LAWYERS Vs INSURANCE
This is the best lawyer story of the year, decade, and probably the century.
A Charlotte, NC, lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, and then insured them against fire among other things. Within a month having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars and without yet having made even his first premium payment on the policy, the lawyer filed a claim against the insurance company.
In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost 'in a series of small fires.'
The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason: that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion. The lawyer sued and won!
In delivering the ruling, the judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous. The Judge stated, nevertheless, that the lawyer held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be unacceptable fire, and was obligated to pay the claim. Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000 to the lawyer for his loss of the rare cigars lost in the 'fires.'
NOW FOR THE BEST PART... After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!!!
With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine.
This is a true story and was the 1st place winner in the recent Criminal Lawyers Award Contest.  

 

 

Shameless Visitor

MAMA'S BIBLE - FUNNY

Four brothers left home for college, and they became successful doctors and lawyers and prospered. Some years later, they chatted after having dinner together. They discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother who lived far away in another city.

 

The first said, "I had a big house built for Mama

 

The second said, "I had my Mercedes dealer deliver an SL600 to her."

 

The third said, " I had a hundred thousand dollar theater built in the house."

 

The fourth said, "You know how Mama loved reading the Bible and you know she can't read anymore because she can't see very well. I met this preacher who told me about a parrot that can recite the entire bible. It took twenty preachers 12 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $100,000 a year for twenty years to the church, but it was worth it. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse and the parrot will recite it." The other brothers were impressed.

 

After the holidays Mom sent out her Thank You notes. She wrote: "Milton, the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house. Thanks, anyway."

 

"Marvin, I am too old to travel. I stay home, I have my groceries delivered, so I never use the Mercedes. The thought was good. Thanks."

 

"Michael, you gave me an expensive theater with Dolby sound, it could hold 50 people, but all of my friends are dead, I've lost my hearing and I'm nearly blind. I'll never use it. Thank you for the gesture just the same."


"Dearest Melvin, you were the only son to have the good sense to give a little thought to your gift. The chicken was delicious. Thank you."

 

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