The New Lawyer
A prominent lawyer's son dreamed of following in his father's footsteps. After graduating from college and law school with honors, he returned home to join his father's firm, intent on proving himself to be a skilled and worthy attorney.
At the end of his first day at work he rushed into his father's office, and said, "Father, Father! The Smith case, that you always said would go on forever -- the one you have been toiling on for ten years -- in one single day, I settled that case and saved the client a fortune!"
His father frowned, and scolded his son, "I did not say that it WOULD go on forever, son. I said that it COULD go on forever! When you saw me toiling on that case for days and weeks at a time, didn't it ever occur to you that I was billing by the hour?"
They always told me I wouldn't amount to anything because I procrastinate.
I said, "Just wait."
I'm The President!
The first Jewish President of the United States phones his mother in Queens and invites her to come down for a visit. She says, "I'd love to, but it's too much trouble. I mean, I have to get a cab to the airport and I really hate waiting on Queens Blvd."
He replies, "Mom! I'm the President! You won't have any need for a cab. I'll send a limousine for you."
His mother replies, "I know, but then I'll have to get my ticket at the airport and try to get a seat on the plane, and I hate to sit in the middle; it's just too much trouble."
He replies, "Mom! I'm the President of the United States! I'll send Air Force One for you - it's my private jet!"
To which she replies, "Oh, well, but then when we land, I'll have to carry all my luggage through the airport and try to get a cab. It's really too much trouble."
He replies, "Mom!! I'm the President! I'll send a helicopter for you! You won't have to lift a finger."
She answers, "Yes, that's nice, but, you know, I still need a hotel room, and the rooms are so expensive and I really don't like the rooms."
Irritated, he answers, "Mom! I'm the President! You'll stay at the White House."
She responds, "Well..... all right..... I guess I'll come."
The next day, she's on the phone with her friend Sandra. "So, Gilda, tell me.....what's new?"
"I'm going to visit my son!" Gilda replies.
"The doctor?" asks Sandra.
Gilda replies, "No..... the other one."
| I just wanted to let you know that a new Homeland Security Program has been launched by the FBI. |
Things will be different now and Internet surfing will be tracked by what the FBI calls a "non-intrusive method".
The FBI says you will not notice anything different.
For a demonstration, click on the link below...
Quickies
One day I was reading a newspaper. On page two was a picture of a famous politician and his gorgeous wife.
Slightly jealous of the politician, I turned to my wife and said, ""It's unfair that the biggest jerks in the world catch the most beautiful wives."
My wife smiled and replied, "Why, thank you, Dear."
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At a children's hospital, a little boy about three years old was brought into the emergency room. He had filled both ears with tiny pebbles.
After working over an hour to remove the stones, the doctor asked, "Son, why would you stuff so many pebbles in your ears?"
"Because," he replied matter-of-factly, "they kept falling out of my nose."
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The shipwrecked mariner had spent several years on a deserted island. Then one morning he was thrilled to see a ship offshore and a smaller vessel pulling out toward him.
When the boat grounded on the beach, the officer in charge handed the marooned sailor a bundle of newspapers and told him, "With the captain's compliments. He said to read through these and let us know if you still want to be rescued."
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After spending all day Sunday watching football on television, a man fell asleep and spent the night in the chair.
His wife woke him in the morning. "It's twenty to seven," she called.
"In whose favor?"
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