NICE ONES

Pussy or Bitch

After playing on the playground at school, Tommy came home with some new words in his vocabulary. Puzzled at what they meant, he went to his mother. 'Mom, what's a pussy?' Not at all shocked by the question, she opened up an encyclopedia and showed him a picture of a cat. He then asked 'What's a bitch?' Once again, not at all disturbed, she opened the encyclopedia and showed him a picture of a female dog.

Confused, little Tommy then went to his father. 'Dad, what's a pussy?' He felt that it was time for his son to learn about life and opened up a porno and circled the area between a womans legs. Enlightened, he then asked him, 'Then what's a bitch?' His father replied, 'Everything outside of the circle.'

 

 The Good Doctor

A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to a gynecologist. The doctor takes one look at this woman and all his professionalism goes out the window. He immediately tells her to undress. After she has disrobed he begins to stroke her thigh.

As he does this he says to the woman, 'Do you know what I'm doing?'

'Yes,' she says, 'you're checking for any abrasions or dermatological abnormalities. '

'That is correct,' says the doctor. He then begins to fondle her breasts.

'Do you know what I'm doing now?' he asks.

'Yes,' says the woman, 'you're checking for any lumps or breast cancer..'

'That's right,' replies the doctor. He then begins to have sexual intercourse with the woman. He says to her, 'Do you know what I'm doing now?'

'Yes,' she says. 'You're getting herpes, which is why I came here in the first place.'

 

 

The Dentist

A guy and a girl meet at a bar. They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place. A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands.
He then takes of his trousers and washes his hands again.
The girl has been watching him and says, 'You must be a dentist.'
The guy, surprised, says 'Yes! How did you figure that out?'
'Easy,' she replied, 'you keep washing your hands.'
One thing led to another and they make love.
After they have done, the girl says, 'You must be a good dentist.'
The guy, now with a boosted ego says, 'Sure, I'm a good dentist, How did you figure that out?'

'Didn't feel a thing!'

 

 Hiding the Animals

A man and his wife are returning from holiday, while on holiday they decided to buy themselves some pets, he bought a snake while the woman got a skunk.
As they are passing through airport control they notice a sign which says
'NO ANIMALS WILL BE ALLOWED THROUGH QUARANTINE'
Slightly distressed the woman turns to her husband and asks what they should do. After thinking hard for 5 minutes the man come up with a plan
'what I'll do is tie the snake around my waist and try to pretend that it's a snake skin belt'
'Yes' the woman replies 'but what about the skunk?'
'I don't know, you'll just have to hide it up your skirt'
'but what about the smell?' the woman asks.
To which the man replies 'Look, if it dies it dies!'