Parties: April 2008

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

How I Came

A Kid asks: 'Daddy? How did I come into this world?

The Daddy Answered: ' Well, my child, some day I'll have

to tell you any way,

The Kid asked again: 'So why not today?' The Dad

Respond: Please, listen carefully:

Mom and Dad met each other in an internet café. In the

bathroom of that café, dad connected to mom.

Mom at that time made some downloads from dad's memory

stick. When dad finished uploading we discovered we didn't use

any firewall.

Since it was too late to cancel or delete, nine months later we

ended up with a virus.'

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Logics...

1. If time doesn't wait for you, don't worry!
Just remove the damn battery from the clock and Enjoy life!

2. Expecting the world to treat u fairly coz u r a good person is like expecting the lion not to attack u coz u r a vegetarian.

Think about it.

3. Beauty isn't measured by outer appearance and what clothes we wear, but what we are inside. So, try going out without clothes tomorrow and see the admiration!

4. Don't walk as if you rule the world, walk as if you don't care who rules the world! That's called Attitude…! Keep on rocking!

5. Every lady hopes that her daughter will marry a better man than she did and is convinced that her son will never find a wife as good as his father did!!!

6. He was a good man. He never smoked, drank & had no affair.
When he died, the insurance company refused the claim.
They said, he who never lived, cannot die!

7. A man threw his wife in a pond of Crocodiles?
He's now being harassed by the Animal Rights Activists for being cruel to the Crocodiles!

8. So many options for suicide: Poison, sleeping pills, hanging,
jumping from a building, lying on train tracks, but we chose Marriage, slow & sure!

9. Only 20 percent girls have brains, rest have boyfriends!

10. All desirable things in life are either
illegal, banned, expensive or married to someone else!

11. When things go wrong, when sadness fills your heart,
When tears flows from your eyes always say these words…
Eh Ganpat, chal daru la…

12. 10% of road accidents are due to drunken driving.
Which makes it a logical statement that
90% of accidents are due to driving without drinking!
Piyo Sar Utha Ke!

Monday, April 28, 2008

If u r Sad then open it

1. A FOOLish man tells a woman to STOP talking, but a WISE man tells
her that she looks extremely BEAUTIFUL when her LIPS are CLOSED.

2. One GOOD way to REDUCE Alcohol consumption :
Before Marriage - Drink whenever you are SAD
After Marriage - Drink whenever you are HAPPY

3. Three FASTEST means of Communication :
1. Tele-Phone
2. Tele-Vision
3. Tell to Woman
Need still FASTER - Tell her NOT to tell ANY ONE.

4. Love your friends not their sisters. Love your sisters not their
friends.

5. A man got 2 wishes from GOD. He asked for the Best wine and Best
Woman.
Next moment, he had the Best Wine and Mother Teresa next to him.
Moral : BE SPECIFIC

6. What is a BEST and WORST news you can hear at the SAME time ?
It is when your Girl Friend says YOU are the BEST KISSER among all your
Friends.

7. Let us be generous like this : Four Ants are moving through a
forest.
They see an ELEPHANT coming towards them. Ant 1 says : we should KILL
him.
Ant 2 says : No, Let us break his Leg alone. Ant 3 says : No, we will
just throw him away from our path. Ant 4 says : No, we will LEAVE him
because he is ALONE and we are FOUR.

8. If you do NOT have a Girl Friend - You are missing SOME thing in
your life. If you HAVE a Girl Friend - You are missing EVERY thing in
your life.

9. Question : When do you CONGRATULATE someone for their MISTAKE.
Answer : On their MARRIAGE.

10. When your LIFE is in DARKNESS, PRAY GOD and ask him to free you
from Darkness. Even after you pray, if U R still in Darkness - Please
PAY the ELECTRICITY BILL.

11. Why Government do NOT allow a Man to MARRY 2 Women. Because per
Constitution, you can NOT PUNISH TWICE for the same Mistake.

12. "A Ship is always safe at the shore - but that is NOT what it is built for" - Albert Einstein

Council Complaints

1. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it.

2. He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it anymore.

3. It's the dog mess that I find hard to swallow.

4. The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.

5. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it had backfired and burnt my knob off.

6. And their 18 yr old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.

7. I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off.

8. My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?

9. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job to satisfy my wife.

10. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path? My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.

11.. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.

12. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have 2 children and would like a third, so please send someone round to do something about it.

13. I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.

14. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.

15. Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink..

16. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.

17. I want to complain about the farmer across the road, every morning at 6 a.m. His cock wakes me up and its now getting too much for me.

18. I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly, then he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.

19. 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and 50% are plain filthy.

20. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.

21. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.

22. I have had the clerk of works down on the floor 6 times but I still have no satisfaction.

23. This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broke and we can't get BBC2.

1 liners

[1] Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving.

[2] Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee.

[3] Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!

[4] I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried - but they wanted cash.

[5] A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school uniforms.

[6] Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent.

[7] Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without, but whatever you do, you'll regret it later.

[8] You can't buy love, but you pay heavily for it.

[9] Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.

[10] Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.

[11] Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway.

Sunday, April 27, 2008

Find Personal Information about People

The Internet is a big place with a lot of information. While most of it is helpful, there is also a lot of rubbish. For example, social networking sites like Facebook can help you find long-lost school friends and keep in touch with them.

Then, there is Pipl. The site is a search engine. Nothing different about that, you say. Except that you can use the site to search for people. It is as easy as typing in a first and last name and basic info like state and country of residence. After that, sit back and wait for the results.

The creepy part is that you will actually find very personal information showing up. Depending on the kind of trail your target has left, you can get a list of addresses, telephone numbers, etc. You even come across direct links to profiles on the various social networking sites.

Pipl gathers all the information using sources from the 'deep web', which is essentially those parts of the web where web-crawlers from the average search engines like Google and Yahoo do not reach. This includes databases of personal profiles, public records and other people-related documents.

Frankly, I think a site like this is dangerous. Not only can a person be cyber stalked but also he or she can potentially be targeted physically as well. For most folks, Pipl may seem like a joke but there are plenty of unscrupulous individuals just waiting to take advantage of a goldmine like this.

I did not find much information about myself thankfully. But I also do not give out much personal information about myself. Not all people are as cautious though. And in the case of public records, you do not have much choice over what gets displayed.

How much information did you find out about yourself on Pipl? What do you think of these kinds of sites? What are some of the measures you take to protect your privacy online?

Obedient Wife

There was a man who had worked all his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real "miser" when it came to his money.
Just before he died, he said to his wife..."When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me." And so he got his wife to promise him, with all of her heart, that when he died, she would put all of the money into the casket with him.
Well, he died. He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there - dressed in black, and her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony, and just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, "Wait just a moment!"
She had a small metal box with her; she came over with the box and put it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down and they rolled it away. So herfriend said, "Girl, I know you were not fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband." The loyal wife replied, "Listen, I'm a Christian; I cannot go back on my word.
I promised him that I was going to put that money into the casket with him." You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him!?!?!?"
"I sure did," said the wife. "I got it all together, put it into my account, and wrote him a cheque.... If he can cash it, then he can spend it."

Send this to every clever female you know, and to every man who thinks they are smarter than women!!!

Saturday, April 26, 2008

Modern Panchtantra Story

Modern Panchtantra Story [ IT HUMOR ]

Once upon a time

, there was a software engineer who used to develop programs on his Pentium machine, sitting under a tree on the banks of a river. He used to earn his bread by selling those programs in the Sunday market.

One day, while he was working, his machine tumbled off the table and fell in the river. Encouraged by the Panchatantra story of his childhood

( the woodcutter and the axe )

He started praying to the River Goddess. The River Goddess wanted to test him and so appeared only after one month of rigorous prayers. The engineer told her that he had lost his computer in the river.

As usual, the Goddess wanted to test his honesty. She showed him a match box and asked, "

Is this your computer ?

" Disappointed by the Goddess' lack of computer awareness, the engineer replied, " No."

She next showed him a pocket-sized calculator and asked if that was his.
Annoyed, the engineer said "

No, not at all !!"

Finally, she came up with his own Pentium machine and asked if it was his.
The engineer, left with no option, sighed and said "Yes."

The River Goddess was happy with his honesty. She was about to give him all three items, but before she could make the offer, the engineer asked her, "Don't you know that you're supposed to show me some better computers before bringing up my own ?"

The River Goddess, angered at this, replied, "I know that, you stupid donkey! The first two things I showed you were the Trillennium and the Billennium, the latest computers from IBM !". So saying, she disappeared with the Pentium!!

********

Moral: If you're not up-to-date with technology trends, it's better to keep your mouth shut and let people think you're a genius than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.

IF YOU THINK YOU'RE DUMB WHEN IT COMES TO COMPUTERS, READ THIS AND YOU'LL FEEL BETTER.

1. Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key is.

2. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.

3. Another Dell customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to fax anything. After 40 minutes of troubleshooting, the technician discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of the monitor screen and hitting the "Send" key.

4. Yet another Dell customer called to complain that his keyboard no longer worked. He had cleaned it by filling up his bathtub with soap and water and soaking the keyboard for a day, then removing all the keys and washing them individually.

5. A Dell technician received a call from a customer who was enraged because his computer had told him he was "Bad and an invalid." The tech explained that the computer's "bad command" and "invalid" responses shouldn't be taken personally.

6. A confused caller to IBM was having trouble printing documents. He told the technician that the computer had said it "couldn't find printer."
The user had also tried turning the computer screen to face the printer-but that his computer still couldn't "see" the printer.

7. An exasperated caller to Dell Computer Tech Support couldn't get her new Dell Computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was plugged in, the technician asked her what happened when she pushed the power button. Her response, "I pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happened." The "foot pedal" turned out to be the computer's mouse...

8. Another customer called Compaq tech support to say her brand new computer wouldn't work. She said she unpacked the unit, plugged it in and sat there for 20 minutes waiting for something to happen. When asked what happened when she pressed the power switch, she asked, "What power switch?"

9. Another IBM customer had trouble installing software and rang for support. "I put in the first disk, and that was OK. It said to put in the second disk, and had some problems with the disk. When it said to put in the third disk, I couldn't even fit it in..." The user hadn't realized that "Insert Disk 2" implied removing Disk 1 first.

10. A story from a Novell NetWare SysOp:
CALLER: "Hello, is this Tech Support?"
TECH: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?"
CALLER: "The cup holder on my PC is broken -and I am within my warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed?"
TECH: "I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder?"
CALLER: "Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer."
TECH: "Please excuse me. If I seem a bit stumped, it's because I am. Did you receive this as part of a promotional at a trade show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it have any trademark on it?"
CALLER: "It came with my computer. I don't know anything about a promotional. It just has '4X' on it." At this point, the Tech Rep had to mute the caller because he couldn't stand it. He was laughing too hard.The caller had been using the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder and it had snapped it off the drive.

11. A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
The tech asked her if she was "running it under windows."
The woman responded, "No, my desk is next to the door. But that is a good point.
The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window and his printer is working fine."

12. And last but not least:
TECH SUPPORT: "O.K. Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager."
CUSTOMER: "I don't have a 'P'".
TECH SUPPORT: "On your keyboard, Bob."
CUSTOMER: "What do you mean?"
TECH SUPPORT: " 'P' on your keyboard, Bob."
CUSTOMER: "I'm not going to do that!"

HOW DO WE THINK OF OUR DADDY AT DIFFERENT AGES

At 4 Years
My daddy is great .

At 6 Years
My daddy knows everybody.

At 10 Years
My daddy is good but is short tempered

At 12 Years
My daddy was very nice to me when I was young .

At 14 Years
My daddy is getting fastidious.

At 16 Years
My daddy is not in line with the current times.

At 18 Years
My daddy is becoming increasingly cranky.

At 20 Years
O h! Its becoming difficult to tolerate daddy. Wonder how Mother puts
Up with him.

At 25 Years
Daddy is objecting to everything.

At 30 Years
I t's becoming difficult to manage my son. I was so scared of my
Father when I was young.

At 40 Years
Daddy brought me up with so much discipline. Even I should do the
Same.

At 45 Years
I am baffled as to how my daddy brought us up.

At 50 Years
My daddy faced so many hardships to bring us up. I am unable to manage a single son.

At 55 Years
My daddy was so far sighted and planned so many things for us.
He is one of his kind and unique.

At 60 Years My daddy is great.

Thus, it took 56 years to complete the cycle and come back to the
1st.stage.

Realize the true value of your parents before its too late.

Able Values or Valuables

Scene: 1986 – a village on the outskirts of Bangalore

Son (8 yrs): Appa, what is this?

Father (a peon in a school): This is a fan

Son: What is the use of it?

Father: To circulate air.

Son: How is air produced by the fan?

Father: Air is drawn ………….

The father who was a peon in a school had decided to make a success out of his son.

He knew the importance of studies and finally took huge loans to make him an engineer.

He further took loans to pacify his son with the trendy jeans and mobile, which his son’s friends had. He went out of his way, sacrificing all his needs so that he also did not miss his mother who had died when the boy was 8 yrs.

Scene: 2006 – an up-market extension in Bangalore

Father (65 yrs): Where are you going?

Son (A software engineer): Don’t you know that every morning I go to the office?

Father: What time will you come back?

Son: How do I know, I am not a fortuneteller!

Father: No, I wanted to know so that I will know when to keep your food ready.

Son: I will eat out with my friends – We have a party.

The son does not like the father who is always in the khaki dress which is not presentable and the unkempt beard, which he sports.

The father respects the khaki dress, which helped him to earn money to educate his son. He respects his beard and refuses to shave as this helped him to save a lot of time and money, which he could spend for the son.

The father cannot eat with his son as his homecoming depends on so many factors.

CUSTOMER CARE IN 2020

Operator : "Thank you for calling Pizza Galaxy Kholi . May I have your..."

Customer: "Hello, can I order.."

Operator : "Can I have your multi purpose card number first, Sir?"

Customer: "It's eh..., hold........ ..on..... .889861356102049 998-45-54610"

Operator : "OK... you're... Mr Singh and you're calling from 43rd Floor, Akask View Apt, Cantt Road, ........
Your home number is 4094! 2366, your office 76452302 and your mobile is 0142662566.

Which number are you calling from now Sir?"

Customer: "Home! How did you get all my phone numbers?

Operator : "We are connected to the system Sir"

Customer: "May I order your Seafood Pizza..."

Operator : "That's not a good idea Sir"

Customer: "How come?"

Operator : "According to your medical records, you have high blood pressure and even higher cholesterol level Sir"

Customer: "What?... What do you recommend then?"

Operator : "Try our Low Fat Hokkien Mee Pizza. You'll like it"

Customer: "How do you know for sure?"

Operator : "You borrowed a book entitled "Popular Hokkien Dishes" from the National Library last week Sir"

Customer: "OK I give up... Give me three family size ones then, how much will that cost?"

Operator : "That should be enough for your family of 10, Sir. The total is Rs 2249.99"

Customer: "Can I pay by! credit card?"

Operator : "I'm afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit card is over the limit and you owe your bank Rs10,720.55 since October last year.

That's not including the late payment charges on your housing loan, Sir."

Customer: "I guess I have to run to the neighbourhood ATM and withdraw some cash before your guy arrives"

Operator : "You can't Sir. Based on the records, you've reached your daily limit on machine withdrawal today"

Customer: "Never mind just send the pizzas, I'll have the cash ready. How long is it gonna take anyway?"

Operator : "About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can't wait you can always come and collect it on your scooter.. ."

Customer: " What!"

Operator : "According to the details in system, you own a Lambretta 1969 Vintage Scooter,...registration number USE 8999..."

Customer: " ????"

Operator : "Is there anything else Sir?"

Customer: "Nothing... by the way... aren't you giving me that 3 free bottles of cola as advertised?"

Operator : "We normally would Sir, but based on your records you're also diabetic.... ... "

Customer: #$$^%&$@$%^

Operator : "Better watch your language Sir. Remember on 11th Nov 1986 you were convicted for using abusive language on a policeman who stopped you for driving through a one way, in fact you were driving a 1973 Ambassador bearing registeration number UTD 4267.......

Customer: [Faints]

Top 7 reasons why I joined IT ...

1) I hated sleep.

2) I had enjoyed my life enough.

3) I couldn't live without tension.

4) I wanted to pay for my sins.

5) I believed in the Bhagwad Geeta principle : karm karo , phal ki ichha na karo.

6) Everything in life has a reason; i wanted to prove it wrong.

7) I wanted to take revenge on myself.

Always tell your wife the truth

A lady tells her husband to go to the store to buy some cigarettes.

He walks down to the store only to find it closed. So he goes into a nearby bar to use the vending machine.

At the bar he sees a beautiful woman and starts talking to her.

They have a couple of beers and one thing leads to another and they end up in her apartment.

After they've had their fun, he realizes its 3AM and says, "Oh no, its so late, my wife's going to kill me. Have you got any talcum powder?"

She gives him some talcum powder, which he proceeds to rub on his hands and then he goes home.

His wife is waiting for him in the doorway and she is pretty angry. "Where the hell have you been?"

"Well, honey, it's like this. I went to the store like you asked, but they were closed. So I went to the bar to use the vending machine. I saw this great looking girl there and we had a few drinks and one thing led to another and I ended up in bed with her."

"Oh yeah? Let me see your hands!" She sees his hands are covered with powder and... "You God damn liar!!! You were playing pool again!!!"

*********

Moral of the story : Always tell your wife the truth. She won't believe you anyway.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

What women want

What Women Want in a Man, Original List (Age 22)
1.   Handsome
2.   Charming
3.   Financially successful
4.   A caring listener
5.   Witty
6.   In good shape
7.   Dresses with style
8.   Appreciates finer things
9.   Full of thoughtful surprises

What Women Want in a Man, Revised List (Age 32)
1.   Nice looking (prefer hair on his head)
2.   Opens car doors, holds chairs
3.   Has enough money for a nice dinner
4.   Listens more than talks
5.   Laughs at my jokes
6.   Carries bags of groceries with ease
7.   Owns at least one tie
8.   Appreciates a good home cooked meal
9.   Remembers birthdays and anniversaries
10. Seeks romance

What Women Want in a Man, Revised List (Age 42)
1.   Not too ugly (bald head okay)
2.   Doesn't drive off until I'm in the car
3.   Works steady - splurges on dinner out occasionally
4.   Nods head when I'm talking
5.   Usually remembers punch lines of jokes
6.   Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture
7.   Wears a shirt that covers his stomach
8.   Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids
9.   Remembers to put the toilet seat down
10. Shaves most weekends

What Women Want in a Man, Revised List (Age 52)
1.   Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed
2.   Doesn't belch or scratch in public
3.   Doesn't borrow money too often
4.   Doesn't nod off to sleep when I'm venting
5.   Doesn't retell the same joke too many times
6.   Is in good enough shape to get off the couch on weekends
7. Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear
8.   Appreciates a good TV dinner
9.   Remembers your name on occasion
10. Shaves some weekends

What Women Want in a Man, Revised List (Age 62)
1.   Doesn't scare small children
2.   Remembers where the bathroom is
3.   Doesn't require much money for upkeep
4.   Only snores lightly when asleep
5.   Remembers why he's laughing
6.   Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself
7.   Usually wears some clothes
8.   Likes soft foods
9.   Remembers where he left his teeth
10. Remembers that it's the weekend

What Women Want in a Man, Revised List (Age 72)
1.   Breathing
2.   Doesn't miss the toilet

What Women Want in a Man, Revised List (Age 82)

1. His Inheritance

IT Heights...

HEIGHT OF ISOLATION:
Two persons sitting side by side using emails to communicate with each other.

HEIGHT OF COWARDICE:
Two persons fighting through emails.

HEIGHT OF HELPLESSNESS:
Receiving no emails for a week.

HEIGHT OF FRUSTRATION:
The email server being down.

HEIGHT OF CARELESSNESS:
Writing a love mail and doing a 'Send All.'

HEIGHT OF TIMEPASS:
A person sending email to himself

HEIGHT OF EXPECTATION:
Sending Indian cricket team an e-mail, wishing them to win a match

HEIGHT OF REPETITION:
Forwarding an email to someone and receiving the same email forwarded back to you By some one in the receiving chain.

HEIGHT OF BROWSING:
U r swimming in the water tank and shout 'F1 F1 F1 ' instead of shouting 'HELP' when u are unable to swim...

Cute Questions asked by Kids

She was in the bathroom, putting on her makeup, under the watchful eyes of her young granddaughter as she'd done many times before. After she applied her lipstick and started to leave, the little one said, "But Gramma, you forgot to kiss the toilet paper good-bye!"
*******

My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy Birthday. He asked me how old I was, and I told him, "62." He was quiet for a moment, and then he asked, "Did you start at 1?"
*******

After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. Finally, she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she heard the three-year-old say with a trembling voice, "Who was THAT?"
*******

A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood was like: "We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods." The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this all in. At last she said, "I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"
*******

My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?" I mentally polished my halo while I asked, "No, how are we alike?"
"You're both old," he replied.
*******

A little girl was diligently pounding away on her grandfather's word processor. She told him she was writing a story. "What's it about?" he asked. "I don't know," she replied. "I can't read."
*******

I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I decided to test her. I would point out something and ask what color it was. She would tell me and was always correct. It was fun for me, so I continued. At last she headed for the door, saying sagely, "Grandma, I think you should try to figure out some of these yourself!"
*******

When my grandson Billy and I entered our vacation cabin, we kept the lights off until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky insects. Still, a few fireflies followed us in. Noticing them before I did, Billy whispered, "It's no use, Grandpa. The mosquitoes are coming after us with flashlights."
*******

When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied, "I'm not sure." "Look in your underwear, Grandpa," he advised. "mine says I'm four to six."
*******

A second grader came home from school and said to her grandmother, "Grandma, guess what? We learned how to make babies today." The grandmother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool. "That's interesting," she said, "how do you make babies?" "It's simple," replied the girl. "You just change 'y' to 'i' and add 'es'."
*******

Children's Logic: "Give me a sentence about a public servant," said a teacher. The small boy wrote: "The fireman came down the ladder pregnant." The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. "Don't you know what pregnant means?" she asked. "Sure," said the young boy confidently. "It means carrying a child."
*******

A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started discussing the dog's duties.
"They use him to keep crowds back," said one child.
"No," said another, "he's just for good luck."
A third child brought the argument to a close. "They use the dogs,"
she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrants

In 24 Hours Average Human:

1) HEART beats 1,03,689 times.

2) LUNGS respire 23,045 times.

3) BLOOD flows 16,80,000 miles.

4) NAILS grow 0.00007 inches

5) HAIR grows 0.01715 inches

6) Take 2.9 pounds WATER (including all liquids)

7) Take of 3.25 pounds FOOD.

8) Breathe 438 cubic feet AIR.

9) Lose 85.60, BODY TEMPERATURE.

10) Produce 1.43 pints SWEAT.

11) Speak 4,800 WORDS.

12) During SLEEP move 25.4 times.

Interesting facts about Bangalore

1. Bangalore has the impeccable record of highest growth within a span of 20 Years

2. Bangalore has highest number of pubs in Asia.

3. Bangalore has highest number of cigarette smokers in India.

4. Bangalore has the highest number of software companies in India -212, followed by Hyderabad - 108, Pune - 97. Hence called the Silicon Valley of India

5. Bangalore has 21 engineering colleges, which is highest in the world in a given city. Bangalore University has 57

Engineering colleges affiliated to it, which is highest in the world.

6. Bangalore is the only city in the world to have commercial and defence Airport operating from the same strip.

7. Bangalore has highest number of public sectors and government Organizations in India.

8. Bangalore university has highest number of students going abroad for higher studies taking the first place from IIT-Kanpur.

9. Bangalore has only 48% of local population( i.e.Kannadigas).Hence a true cosmopolitan with around 25% Tamilians,14%Telugites, 10% Keralites, 8% Europeans, 6% a mixture of all races.

10. Bangalore police has the reputation of being second best in India after Delhi.

11. Bangalore has the highest density of traffic in India.

12. Bangalore has the highest number of 2-wheelers in the world.

13. Bangalore is considered the fashion capital of east comparable to Paris

15. Bangalore has produced the maximum international sportsmen in India for all sports ahead of even Mumbai & Delhi.

16. Bangalore has produced the maximum number of scientists considered for Nobel Prize nominations.

17. Bangalore has produced the highest number of professionals in USA almost 60% of the Indian population abroad is from Bangalore (except Gulf).

18. Bangalore is famous for THREE: Software Professionals, Girls and Dogs. This one is Ultimate.

19. Bangalore is famous for its dog bites, an average of 12 people are bitten by stray dogs per MINUTE somewhere in Bangalore!!!

Story of a student....a clever student... - Humor

There was a student who was desirous of taking admission for a study course.

He was smart enough to get through the written test, a GD and was to appear for the personal interview. Later, as the interview progressed, the interviewer found this boy to be bright since he could answer althea questions correctly. The interviewer got impatient and decided to corner the boy.

"Tell me your choice," said he to the boy," What's your choice: I shall either ask you ten easy questions or ONE real difficult. Think well before you make up your mind."

The boy thought for a while and said, "My choice is ONE real difficult question."

"Well, good luck to you, you have made your own choice!" said the man on the opposite side. "Tell me: What comes first, Day or Night?"

The boy was jolted first but he waited for a while and said: "It's the DAY, sir."

"How the interviewer was smiling ("At last, I got you!" he said to himself.)

"Sorry sir, you promised me that you will not ask me a SECOND difficult question!"

Admission for the course was thus secured.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Yes Boss

A man entered a pet shop, wanting to buy a monkey.

The shop owner pointed out three identical monkeys and said, "The
Monkey to the left costs 500 dollars."

Why does that monkey cost so much?" the man wondered.

The owner replied, "Well, it knows how to use a computer."

The man asked about the next monkey on the perch.

"That one costs 1,000 dollars because it can do everything the
other monkey can do, plus it knows how to use the LINUX operating
system."

Naturally, the startled customer asked about the third monkey.

"That one costs 2,000 dollars."

"And what does that one do?" the man asked.

The owner replied, "To be honest, I've never seen him doing
anything, but the other two call him boss!!!!!"

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Consumer Helpline - 1600 11 4000

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