time to laugh...............

A man who absolutely hated his wife's cat decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park.

As he was nearing home, the cat was walking up the driveway.

The next day, he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away and try the same thing.

As he was driving back into his driveway, there was the cat! He kept taking the cat farther and farther away, but the darn cat would always beat him home.

At last, he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right and so on until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and he left the cat there.

Hours later, the man calls home to his wife: "Jen, is the cat there?". "Yes," the wife answers. "Why do you ask?"

Frustrated, the man answers: "Put that damn cat on the phone. I'm lost and I need directions!"

 

*****

After spending time with Eve, Adam was walking in the Garden with God. Adam told God how much the woman means to him and how blessed he feels to have her. Adam began to ask questions about her.

Adam: Lord, Eve is beautiful. Why did you make her so beautiful?

God: So you will always want to look at her.

Adam: Lord, her skin is so soft. Why did you make her skin so soft?

God: So you will always want to touch her.

Adam: She always smells so good. Lord, why did you make her smell so good?

God: So you will always want to be near her.

Adam: That's wonderful Lord, and I don't want to seem ungrateful, but why did you make her so stupid?

God: So she would love you.

******

Doctors Meeting
A group of psychiatrists were attending a convention. Four of them decided to leave, and walked out together. One said to the other three, "People are always coming to us with their guilt and fears, but we have no one that we can go to when we have problems." The others agreed.

Then one said, "Since we are all professionals, why don't we take some time right now to hear each other out?"

The other three agreed.

The first then confessed, "I have an uncontrollable desire to kill my patients."

The second psychiatrist said, "I love expensive things and so I find ways to cheat my patients out of their money whenever I can so I can buy the things I want."

The third followed with, "I'm involved with selling drugs and often get my patients to sell them for me."

The fourth psychiatrist then confessed, "I know I'm not supposed to, but no matter how hard I try, I can't keep a secret....

******
 

Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother,
"Why is the bride dressed in white?" "Because white is the color of happiness,
and today is the happiest day of her life." The child thought about this for a
moment, then said, "So why is the groom wearing black?"

 

*****

 

A grandfather and granddaughter were sitting and talking when the young girl
asked, "Did God make you, Grandpa?"

"Yes, God made me," the grandfather answered. A few minutes later, the little
girl asked him, "Did God make me too?" "Yes, He did," the older man answered.

For a few minutes, the little girl seemed to be studying her grandpa, as well as her
own reflection in the mirror, while her grandfather wondered what was running
through her mind. At last she spoke up. "You know, Grandpa," she said,
"God's doing a lot better job lately."

*****

Three boys are in the school yard bragging about their fathers. The first boy says,
"My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, and they
give him $50."

The second boy says, "That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of
paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100."

The third boy says, "I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece
of paper, he calls it a sermon, and it takes eight people to collect all the money!"

*****