Give me your e-mail

A jobless man applied for the position of

"office boy" at Some Company.

 
The HR manager interviewed him then watched him

cleaning the floor as a test.

 
"You are employed."

 

He said." Give me your e-mail address and I'll send you

the application to fill in, as well as date when you may start."

 

 The man replied "But I don't have a computer, neither an email."

 
I'm sorry", said the HR manager, "If you don't have an email, that means you do not exist. And who doesn't exist, cannot have the job."

 
The man left with no hope at all. He didn't know what to do,

with only $10 in his pocket. He then decided to go to the

supermarket and buy a 10Kg tomato crate.

 
He then sold the tomatoes in a door to door round. In less than

two hours, he succeeded to double his capital. He repeated the Operation three times, and returned home with $60.

 
The man realized that he can survive by this Way, and started

to go everyday earlier, and return late Thus, his money doubled

or tripled every day. Shortly, he bought a cart, then a truck,

then he had his own fleet of delivery vehicles.

 
5 years later , the man is one of the biggest food retailers in the US.

 
He started to plan his family's future,

and decided to have a life insurance.

 
He called an insurance broker, and chose a protection plan.

When the conversation was concluded, the broker asked him

his email. The man replied, "I don't have an email".

 
The broker answered curiously, "You don't have an email,

and yet have succeeded to build an empire. Can you imagine

what you could have been if you had an email?!!"

 

The man thought for a while and replied,

"Yes, I'd be an office boy at Some Company!"

Funny story..

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you. To which his wife responds: He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!

Miscommunication.................

A co-worker got a pen stuck inside our printer. He started to try and remove the pen, but I told him we don't have time for that now, just put a note on the printer telling folks not to use it and then report it to the Help Desk. So he grabbed a piece of paper and scrawled on it. I left before he finished the note.
About 20 minutes later, one of my techs comes in laughing and says he was just in the lobby, saw a piece of paper on a printer and went to investigate.
Attached is what he found. Sometimes things don't always come out the way you want them to........
 
See below
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 


Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even a chuckle)... We all need to smile yar....

Love and Marriage explained...

A student asks a teacher, 'What is love?'The teacher says, 'in order to get an answer go to the wheat field and choose the biggest
wheat and come back.

But the rule is: you can go through only once and cannot turn back to pick.'

The student went to the field, went thru first row, he saw one big wheat, but wondered....may be there will be a bigger one later.

Then he saw another bigger one... but thought may be there is an even bigger one waiting for him.

Later, when he finished more than half of the wheat field, he started to realize that the wheat were not as big as the previous ones he saw.  He knew that he has missed the biggest one, and he regretted.

So, he ended up went back to the teacher with empty hand.

The teacher told him, '...this is love... you keep looking for a better one, but later you realize, you have already missed the right person....'

*'What is marriage then?' the student asked.

The teacher said, 'in order to answer your question, go to the corn field and choose the biggest corn and come back. But the rule is same: you can go through only once and cannot turn back to pick.'

The student went to the corn field. This time he is careful not to repeat the previous mistake. When he reached the middle of the field, he picked one medium corn that he felt was big enough. Satisfied, he came back to the teacher.

The teacher told him, 'This time you brought back a corn.... you looked for one that is just nice enough, and you had faith and belief this was the best one,   .... this is marriage.'

 

The maid

A Mexican maid asked for a pay increase.

The wife was very upset about this and asked: 'Now,
Maria, why do you want a pay increase?'
Maria: 'Well Seora, there are three reasons why I want an increase.

The first is that I iron better than you.'
Wife: 'Who said you iron better than me?'
Maria: 'Your husband said so.'
Wife: 'Oh.'
Maria: 'The second reason is that I am a better cook than you.'
Wife: 'Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?'
Maria: 'Your husband did.'
Wife: 'Oh.'
Maria: 'My third reason is that I am a better lover than you.'
Wife (really furious now): 'Did my husband say that as well?'
Maria: 'No, Senora, the gardener did.'

SHE GOT THE RAISE

 

 

Difference between appraisal and resignation

A newly joined trainee engineer asks his boss "what is the meaning of appraisal?"

 

Boss: "Do you know the meaning of resignation? "

 

Trainee: "Yes I do"

 

Boss: "So let me make you understand what a appraisal is by comparing it with resignation"

 

Comparison study : Appraisal and Resignation

 

**********
 
In appraisal meeting they will speak only about your weakness, errors and failures.    

 

In resignation meeting they will speak only about your strengths, past achievements and success.

 

 

 

**********

 

In appraisal you may need to cry and beg for even 10% hike.    

 

In resignation you can easily demand (or get even without asking) more than 50-60% hike.

 

**********

 

During appraisal, they will deny promotion saying you didn't meet the expectation, you don't have leadership qualities, and you had several drawbacks in our objective/goal.    

 

During resignation, they will say you are the core member of team; you are the vision of the company how can you go, you have to take the project in shoulder and lead your juniors to success.

 

**********

 

There is 90% chance for not getting any significant incentives after appraisal.    

 

There is 90% chance of getting immediate hike after you put the resignation.

 

 

 

**********

 

Trainee: "Yes boss enough, now I understood my future. For an appraisal I will have to resign ... !!!"

 

Dentist jokes

A woman and her husband interrupted their vacation to go to the dentist. "I want a tooth pulled, and I don't want Novacaine because I'm in a big hurry," the woman said. "Just extract the tooth as quickly as possible, and we'll be on our way." The dentist was quite impressed. "You're certainly a courageous woman," he said. "Which tooth is it?" The woman turned to her husband and said, "Show him your tooth, dear."

*

Patient: "It must be tough spending all day with your hands in someone's mouth."
Dentist: "I just think of it as having my hands in their wallet."

*

I thought, Miss Smith, that you wanted yesterday afternoon off because you were seeing your dentist?
That's right, Sir.
So how come I saw you coming out of the movie theatre with a friend?
That was my dentist.

*

At what time do most people go to the dentist?
At tooth-hurty (2:30).

*

"Open wider." requested the dentist, as he began his examination of the patient. "Good God !" he said startled. "You've got the biggest cavity I've ever seen - the biggest cavity I've ever seen." "OK Doc !" replied the patient. "I'm scared enough without you saying something like that twice." "I didn't !" said the dentist. "That was the echo."

*

Patient: How much to have this tooth pulled?
Dentist: With pain $200 and without pain $100.
Patient: Well, without pain it's cheaper. Pull it WITHOUT pain.
Without anesthesia neither anything, the dentist begins to extract the tooth, when the patient outcry: Aaaahhhhhhhh !!!!!
Hey, WITH pain it costs $200 !!!, replies the dentist.